One of the things that has really surprised me about the circumstances surrounding my divorce is all the women who have stepped forward and said; “That happened to me, too.”  It wasn’t always exactly the same situation, but similar enough that they could empathize with my experience.  It’s made me think that we should start a club; “The Surprised Wife Club” or “The Ex-Wives of Alcoholic, Drug-Using Skanks” or  “The Survivors of Lunatic, Lying, Cheating Ex-Husbands Club” or, maybe roll it all into one, “The Surprised, Surviving,  Ex-Wives of Alcoholic, Drug-Using Skanks, Lunatic, Lying, Cheating Ex-Husbands Club”.  But, that’s a rather long name.  Even shortening it to TSSEWADUSLLCEHC is quite a mouthful and sounds sort of like the name of some awful disease…. and probably resembles an awful disease more closely than I’d like to think.

There is a small group of ladies who own the horse farm/board horses next door and as I’m often outside with my dog as they let their horses graze and gab  with one another, they’ve kindly taken me under their wings and brought me into their circle.  These are three lovely, blond, intelligent, no-nonsense, horse women and I liked them all right away.  As I mentioned in my last post about my ex-husband creating a large mound of dirt on the path where I walk with the dog every day, this pile of dirt has also annoyed these ladies (and everyone else who uses the path) and they were perplexed as to who would do such a thing.  I had to explain the situation so, gradually, the whole story of my divorce came out and we all stood silent for a moment.  Even though I found out about my ex-husbands despicable activities 7 months ago, part of me still reels from the shock of that discovery; I’m sure it’s equally shocking for other people to hear about for the first time.  I finally spoke:

“I never saw it coming.”

One of the ladies nodded;

“None of us did.”

They all chimed in about how the wives are always the last to know, but I was struck that each of us had suffered the same sort of loss of our marriages and our husbands.  And not just them, but other women, as well.   I know that not all women are blameless in relationships, but Holy Moly!  What is the matter with all these guys who throw away their marriages so they can flaunt a new lifestyle and leave their wives hanging with the day to day responsibilities and expenses that the couple had signed on for?   And on top of it all, have the gall to be vindictive, afterward.

I had a long talk with my brother today and neither one of us can understand why my ex persisted in harassing me for months after we split up; you’d think he’d be pleased now he’s free to pursue all the men, women, couples, he-shes, etc., he wants and he’ll have a comfortable income, too, seeing how he’s received a big raise at work and has no wife and full household to support.  So why does he have a bug up his butt, other than to just be contrary?   I just can’t fathom his mentality.  Even other guys I know have said; “What’s his problem?  He should be happy; now he can do what he wants.”  But, then again, I guess it’s a mistake to try to rationalize irrational behavior.  Even though it’s natural to try; but I just have to keep reminding myself that there is no explanation for what he’s done other than to say he’s a complete psychopath.

One of the men who has remarked on the mysteries of my ex’s behavior is my handsome fisherman friend (as I’ve referred to him in prior posts)  but since he was married to a bi-polar alcoholic, he knows the futility of trying to wrap your mind around the inner-workings of these kinds of people.  We were (and sometimes still are) good sounding boards for one another, but I’ve finally succeeded in getting over him.  Not that he’s totally out of my heart.  I’ve known him for too long and we’ve shared too much not to be fond of him and to care for him, but it’s a relief not to be caught up in a pointless love-affair.

On another topic; I had an unexpected visitor the other night.  My Little-Apartment-on-the-Pond is an upstairs, over-the-garage place and it has a nice deck that also over-looks the pond where my cat and dog like to sit and enjoy the outdoors.  During warm weather I leave the sliding glass door to the deck open and the pets have learned to open the screen door by themselves, so, the other night, the cat let himself out on the deck and I could see that he was occasionally playing with something, but being fall with lots of leaves blowing around, I just thought he was chasing leaves.  Then he caught one and triumphantly trotted indoors with his prize!  His tail held high, he proceeded toward me, but then dropped his catch and it started to move…..  this was my first clue that it was not a leaf!  When it took wing, I said: “Aha!  A bat!”  Even being a myopic Mr. Magoo without my glasses, I could figure that much out!   I opened the screen door all the way and shooed the little brown bat toward an escape and after a few laps around the room, it found the exit and a disappointed cat saw his first hunting success fly out the into the cool evening air.   He’s been looking for his next victim ever since.

That’s the way of things, Kitty, win some, lose some.  But never give up!  >^..^<

Where’s the bat?

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