I am generally an optimistic person, but lately, it’s been somewhat challenging to keep a positive spin on things.  My first paycheck since my hours were cut back at work was less than $220.00.  That will be my weekly paycheck until the ex-hubby is taken off my insurance policy in December (granted he is supposed to reimburse me for his insurance but he is always in arrears) and after that, I can only hope that my employer will add hours back to my work schedule after the new year.   In the meantime, I’ve started another part-time job, but it only pays once a month and I haven’t received the first check, yet and don’t know when I will.  I’m looking around to see what I have that can be sold on Craig’s List and thus far, managed to sell a T-Mobile cell phone for $10.

Speaking of T-Mobile, no response from them regarding my email to the head of customer service.  It’s time to send another one and contact the Better Business Bureau.  At this point, I would NEVER, EVER recommend that anyone get cell phone service with them.  They may have less-expensive rates, but that’s only because they hit you with other charges, later on.  And their cell phone reception has actually gone down hill since I started using them, despite their assurances that it will “get better because we’re putting up new cell towers all the time.”  Well, somebody must have knocked a few of those towers down.  Even the guy who bought my old phone said that the reception “sucks”.

And, now I am gimping around because I tripped over a sign that had blown over outside the grocery store and twisted my ankle.  It’s not a big deal and I didn’t think much of it at the time, other than feeling stupid for tripping over a white sign laying on a white walkway (I never saw it; the only thing I can guess it that my tri-focal glasses so blur anything “down” in front of me, and what with walking around all the plant displays set up around the entrance, that it just didn’t stand out as something to avoid) but the kind people who saw me fall and rushed up to help and  my best friend saw me take the digger from across the parking lot and she, too, came over to see what had happened.  I explained about my glasses and she remarked that she once almost fell out of a bus for the same reason!  Like I said, it isn’t a big deal; there’s no swelling or discoloration, so I’m just taking some aspirin and hoping my ankle will recover quickly.

The 28 year old guy I was seeing has “moved on”.  It’s no surprise; as I told him from the start that I expected he would find someone his own age to settle down with and start a family.  I’m amazed that he lasted as long as he did….. which is a lot longer than many men my own age.  I’m actually rather relieved, he was cute and all but I never really felt any sort of a bond with him.  We had totally different lives; he was from big money and liked to spend big money, and as a young man, liked to party with friends and go to see concerts…. all the kind of stuff most young men like to do.  It was kind of like babysitting someone else’s pet, knowing you’d have to give it back at some point and would probably never see it again.

I’m emotionally and physically exhausted and I could care less about dating right now.   I’ve had some interest from other quarters and I try to be kind, as always, but one gentleman’s reply to my rebuff that I didn’t think we had anything in common was: “Argue for our limitations and they are ours.”  He may have a point, there, but he’s still a big-city guy with lots of plans to shake up the world and I’m still a small-town New England girl who just wants to live out a quiet life with my family and friends, in peace.  So, I told him that if he thought I was wrong, I’m all ears.  We’ll see.

I still miss being married and having a partner in life, but if I ever find someone again, I want to make sure that the man in question is for real.  You know what I mean; that he’s my other half, the Frick of my Frack, my Prince Charming, the one who will be true to me and who will stand by me “til death do you part”.  I’m tired of men who don’t know how to act like husbands.

“That’s the Point”

So, I’m trying to shake off all the negative vibes and replace them with positive thoughts:

First and foremost, thank goodness for my family and friends!

Thank goodness that I have some form of job(s) and am surviving so far.

Thank goodness for a home I absolutely love!  My Little-Apartment-on-the-Pond is my sanctuary against the world,  with my gardens nestled up against it and the woodland hiking trails radiating away from it to wander up and down hillsides, past kettle ponds and circling back home again.

Thank goodness that I am home!  After living ‘away’ for over 5 years, I’m very glad to be back on my old stomping grounds, on the land where my ancestors have dwelt since the late 1600’s.  If I had found out about my husband while still living out-of-state, it would have been much harder to be without the support of my family and life-long friends.  It has made the ordeal more bearable.

Thank goodness for peace and quiet!   The serenity that comes with a back-woods life has done much to heal my wounded soul and heart.  I know that as time goes by, I will make a complete recovery.

Thank goodness for a warm fall!  Even though we’re half-way through October, I’ve only had to turn the heat on one morning when then temps had dropped to the mid-30’s and it was 50 degrees inside the house.  The longer the heat stays off, the longer my money will hold out.

Thank goodness for the things that do go well, and for my plans for my future; which I hope to build on as time goes by.  I’m just going to try to keep the faith that all will sort itself out in the end and that I will find happiness once more.   As the saying goes, “This, too, shall pass”.   Just not soon enough!

“I’m Proud of My Heart”