It’s been a really hectic few weeks since I’ve checked in here.  I’ve had every intention of writing, but so many things interfered with my plans; some good, some bad.  The good things included a very nice Saturday, during which I helped my brother install a 10’x12′ furling awning over his sliding glass door.  It was a mild fall day with lots of bright sunshine, so the weather was perfect for an outdoor project.  It involved at least a dozen trips up and down ladders with each of us holding the end of a 75 pound awning before everything was ready for us to actually mount it, but we did it all in good spirits.  Then, after stopping at home for a quick bowl of yogurt and a walk with my dog, my best friend was coming over to get me so we could go downtown for the Oktoberfest celebration.  I thought it would be fun to hear the oompah bands, see the folks in costume and smell the wonderful German foods, but it was kind of underwhelming to see that they just had a DJ playing rock & roll and a few stands selling hot dogs and hamburgers and a few other food-stuffs that we didn’t investigate.  Oh well, it was still a lovely day for walking our quaint little downtown area with the one and two-story, white clapboard buildings and the tang of the near-by salty sea in the air.  We stopped in a chocolate shop where we sat at one of the outdoor tables  with our hot chocolate and chatted.  It made for a much needed day of rest.

Then, came the bad news; finding out that a friend was murdered.  It was shockingly awful.  She was visiting someone, and his mentally deranged, estranged wife (whom he had not seen in two years before recently filing for divorce, when she drove half-way across the Country to confront him) came to the door and shot him, and then stepped over him and went into the house.  Upon finding my friend there, she shot her, as well.  It’s devastating to think that this gentle, kind, compassionate, funny, zany, creative person has been taken from us forever, all because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.  It hits close to home, too, what with a crazy ex-husband around who has already broken the Restraining Order I have against him multiple times.

In the mean time, I work as much as I can, still plugging away at two part-time jobs; I babysit my delightful grandchildren, I read when I get a few spare moments to myself, usually during lunch while I have my daily bowl of yogurt, a handful of peanuts, a granola bar and a glass of veggie juice.  (I try to eat healthy most of the time so I can splurge guilt-free occasionally!)  We’ve just a big storm roll through over the weekend, bringing us winds with gusts up to 70 miles an hour, 2 1/2 inches of rain and temperatures in the upper 30’s and low 40’s, so I harvested the rest of the vegetables in my garden just before the storm was due to arrive.  I ended up with about 30 pounds of potatoes, carrots, onions, lettuce and basil!  I gave some of the veggies away, used some to make a large pot of vegetable soup and used more to make a Halloween Dinner for my family, with a roast, Yorkshire pudding, gravy, corn, roast potatoes, carrots and onions, salad, and a pumpkin spice cake with creme cheese frosting for dessert.  I still have about 5 pounds of carrots and several pounds of onions and some of the lettuce and basil left.  It’s kind of sad that my garden is done for the year, but at least I still have lots of its produce left in the fridge, pantry and freezer to enjoy this winter.

The subject of forgiveness has come up a lot, lately.  I’ve been reading bout how important it is to forgive those who have done you wrong.  I generally do believe in forgiving and forgetting, and I can see forgiving an unintentional slight, or even an intentional slight, if the person later thought better of it and apologized; but when someone deliberately, grievously, heinously wrongs you with no compunction whatsoever, how do you forgive?   Should you forgive?  I’ve read all about how it takes a bigger person to be the one who is able to forgive, but I don’t think I’ll ever be big enough to forgive what my ex-husband did and all the hostility he continues to inflict on me.  Nor do I think it’s appropriate to forgive him; there are some things that are just unpardonable.  I’ve read that “you can’t move on until you forgive” but I don’t believe that.  I’ve been working toward moving on, which will be easier after the divorce is final and I don’t have to worry about his Health Insurance coming out of my pay any more and hopefully, he’ll eventually catch up on reimbursing me for it; so that will give me less reason to have to think about him.  And, I’m still hoping that he still plans on moving out of State soon, so that I won’t have to see him anymore.  He currently lives less than 2 miles away and works across the street from where I live, which is way too close for my comfort.  I won’t feel safe until he’s far, far away.  I’m still going to keep rebuilding my life, regardless of how near or far he is, and one day- if I happen to think if him –  he’ll be just an unpleasant memory.

Life goes on